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On the Mark, Episode 3: Dogs Plot To Overthrow Humans

April 24, 2009

Hi Everybody,

Wow, what a great weekend we have in store! Before I begin, have a good one, everybody.

But meanwhile, back at Mark's brain, the thing I want to share this week has been heavy on my mind. I wanted to get it off my chest, so I can enjoy the weekend in peace.

I see a messy divorce brewing in one of the most long-lasting relationships in history. I'm not talking about the relationship between men and women.

I'm talking about the more permanent, long lasting relationship. The one that will make a grown man or woman cry . . . . I'm talking about Man's relationship with his best friend.

The Dog.

This occurred to me a few weeks ago as I was cleaning up an, ahem, accident that our lovable pet had left us. I observed that a dog can be in a kitchen with a vinyl floor, but he will seek out the only carpeted area and do his business on it. And he won't just stay in one spot. Noooooooooooo . . . . he needs to perform an entire Flashdance routine all over the place.

I began to wonder what compels a dog to do this, other than to perform a passive aggressive act against his master in order to show who really does run the house. If it were me, I'd go find a corner somewhere and try to cover it up so no one would notice. It's the polite thing to do, if one must do such things.

Now dogs are great, don't get me wrong. Don't label me a dog hater. My family has had some really great dogs in my life. And our current dog, he's great with the kids and they love each other.

But like most self-centered humans in a relationship, I began to wonder, "What's in this relationship for me? Are my needs being met?"

Then I remembered reading about how the Japanese are trying really hard to make lifelike robots. Can you imagine? They could program a robotic dog to do all the things that dogs do, but they wouldn't need to eat or go outside to do their business. They could even have a realistic hairy coat, and in many respects be the perfect dog.

And if you didn't like how your robot dog behaves, well you could reprogram it. Or put it out for the trash. PETA wouldn't be coming after you for mistreating your pet.

So perhaps a hundred years from now, who would want or need a real dog? And would dogs take this whole turn of event lying down, or would they fight back?

It could get really ugly.

I can just imagine someone in the future walking the shores of an ocean and stumbling upon the wreckage of the Statue of Liberty. Then, dogs on horseback come trotting up to him. They both were on their way to a St. Bernard's house, where they were planning to spend all night playing poker and smoking cigars.

The dog on the left shudders in disgust upon discovering this human, and turns to his friend, looking for the right words.

To which his friend on the right responds (in an English accent, of course):

"I say . . . . I wish they'd keep their smelly ole MAN out of our yard . . ."


For a video clip, here's a dog that is smarter than a fair amount of humans. Could we be looking at our future master?


I feel better now, getting that off my chest. Phewww! And the next time your dog wants to go for a walk, maybe you'll begin to realize that it is THE DOG who is walking YOU, the human. Not the other way around. They have already started implementing their devious plot to enslave us humans.

It is only a matter of time until the leash is around YOUR neck!

Something to think about.

Until next time, take care,




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